Dear Brittany
by Maano
Summary: Brittany has left and Santana is writing letters to her best friend, trying to maintain their friendship. Brittana endgame.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Brittany,

I don't even know where I have to begin .. I miss you like crazy, ever since you left.

I know you didn't ask for this, and I don't blame you for this, I want you to know that. But it's just so hard ..

You're somewhere else now. You'll probably make friends really soon, I just know you will. Remember I said I liked you from the first day we met? Well, I really meant that, and I'm sure everyone else will too.

I hope I can visit you anytime soon. I would love to meet your new friends and your family .. Or you can come here, ofcourse. You know you are always welcome, right?

I really miss you, Britty .. I miss hugging you, and I miss the smell of your hair when you've just showered .. I miss your smile when I say something sweet, I miss you telling me everything will be okay ..

Glee club misses you too. Yesterday Kurt asked me how you were doing and it was so hard to hold back my tears. Because I didn't even know how you were doing ..

Cheerios practice is so awful without you .. I think I may even quit.. You always got me through it, when Sue yelled at me and I got angry or sad, you just smiled at me, and I knew I was going to be fine ..

Quinn is getting more grumpy everyday, and I just can't handle it anymore .. I can't believe you're not going to be here when she has her baby ..

I know you only left a couple of days ago, but it feels like years already..

I'm sorry, I'm only talking about myself ..How are you doing? Lord Tubbington is doing okay, but I can tell he misses you too. I'm doing everything you told me to. I feed him as much as I can, I give him his treats, I play with him everyday .. I'm even letting him sleep in my bed, even though I normally wouldn't even allow him to sit on my bed.. He just reminds me so much of you ..

Do you like it over there? Are the people nice? They better be nice to you or I'll come over and kick their ass. Sorry. I know you hate violence .. But just let me know if anyone is being rude to you ..

I want to do a Brittany week in Glee club, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Shue wouldn't want to do it. He can be such a jerk sometimes .. He's still chasing the guidance counselor, I really don't see what he sees in her .. She already has a boyfriend, and he's way hotter than Mr. Shue.

I mean, he's a dentist. C'mon ..

Remember when we went to the dentist together during the Britney Spears week and you were scared so I held your hand the entire time? And afterwards we went to the supermarket to buy candy and we skipped the rest of the day? That was so much fun ..

If your're scared to go to the dentist over there, I would come over if you want me to. Just ask and I'll be there ..

Oh, Britt.. I could write an entire book of how much I miss you ..

Please write me back soon ..

And please come over sometime ..

I will take good care of Lord Tubbington, you have my pinkie promise on that ..

And I will never, ever forget you ..

Lots of love and lots of hugs ..

Your best friend, Santana

Xoxoxoxoxo


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Brittany,

Its been two weeks since my first letter. I've been checking my mailbox every morning, but nothing comes through ..

Did you get my letters? I hope so ..

I hope you'll write me back soon..

How are you? Have you settled in yet? How are your parents doing? Tell them I said hi .. And give your sister a big hug from me.

I miss you, Britt..

I miss you more and more everyday. This week we have to do duets in Glee club, and you're not here .. I'm going to sing with Mercedes, and I'm sure it will be great, but I'd rather sing with you. Remember we had this plan that one day we would sing our favourite song together? I hope someday we will.

Finn found out I was writing you letters a couple of days ago. He says hi and hopes you're doing okay. I would be angry at him because he was reading with when I was writing this letter to you, but I couldn't.

It's really weird without you, Britt. It's like I'm suddenly a different person.

Sectionals is soon, we still have to find a 12th member. Are you sure you can't come back? Wishfull thinking .. I know you can't..

Quinn's belly is getting bigger, Sue kicked her off the Cheerios so now she's getting angry and depressed too. But Noah is acting quite responsible nowadays. Which is pretty weird. Everyone knows that Quinn is carrying his baby, except Finn. The poor guy still thinks he got her pregnant, even though they never even had sex.

I'm just glad he never got me pregnant. Well, not yet anyways. If he does, you're the first to know, I promise.

But I won't get pregnant anytime soon, I can't stand the idea of having a baby without you by my side.

Oh yeah, Lord Tubbington is having nightmares the last couple of nights (and days). Do you know how I can help him? I think he's just missing you.. But I know he doesn't like going to the vet so I don't really know what to do .. He seems so sad.. I'm thinking of getting him a friend to play with.

Mr. Shue has finally kissed Miss. Pillsbury by the way.. The hot dentist guy wasn't very amused. I bet they're going to break up soon.

Have you made friends yet? Met any cute guys? Or maybe even girls? I bet there are already people falling for you. Make sure no one takes advantage of you, Britt. But you can date nice people ofcourse. I would be happy for you if you were, you know. Just let them know that the place of best friend is already taken ..

Please let me know that you're okay, I miss you.

Big hug from everyone in Glee club plus Lord Tubbington.

But mostly a lot of love and cuddles from me..

Xoxoxoxo Santana


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Brittany,

I went to the animal shelter and got Tubbs a little friend to play with when I'm at school. He seems really happy. A little too happy maybe .. I'm sitting at my desk right now and I'm pretty sure they're making out on my bed. Can cats even make out? You probably know with all your genius cat knowledge .. Also, I don't even know if the cat I got is a girl .. Could LordTubbington be gay? I bet he is .. I mean, have you ever seen a cat more fabulous than yours?

Haha, that sounds so wrong..

I miss our inside jokes that no one gets, Britty.. Everybody always looks at me weirdly when I make a dirty comment, but I used to be able to just look at you and smile, because you were laughing your ass off 'cause you were smart enough to understand. Then people would roll their eyes at us, and Mr. Shue would try to continue his class.

Are the teachers nice at your school? I hope they're less boring than over here ..

I still have the habit of taking cereal to school every tuesday, because you always forgot to eat breakfast. Do you still do that? I just eat it myself now, but it tasted better when you were with me. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

Puck is in juvy again, and I'm feeling pretty lonely .. I could really use a sleepover with you right now. We would watch our favourite movies, eat jelly beans 'till we get sick, cudde and talk all night and watch the sunrise together .. I can't do that with anyone else, Britt-Britt..

You're irreplaceable. Well, to me you are..

Sectionals is in a couple of days, and Puck was able to get us a twelfth member. Her name is Lauren, I think. She's pretty badass, but I wouldn't admit it if someone asked what I think of her. Because I do not like her at all. She's trying to steal Puck away from me. Well, not right now because Puck is away at the moment, but still. I hope he's going to be back on time.

You know, actually I don't give a damn that Zizes (that's Lauren's last name) wants Noah to herself. I just want you back. Who needs a boyfriend when they've got a best friend, right?

Are you dating anyone yet? Honestly, I hope you're not .. Wow, that sounds mean .. But you know I don't mean it like that. I want you to be happy, Brittany. I really, really do ..

It's Thanksgiving soon .. Will you come visit? You probably won't .. Right..? I haven't heard from you since you moved, and it's making really sad .. I hope you're okay.

I would be so happy if you would be there at Sectionals, I bet we would be so much better knowing you're in the audience. No, I'm sure of it. But I won't get my hopes up until I hear from you ..

Please write back, Brittany. Not hearing from you is killing me.

Lots of love and hugs and kisses,

Your best friend, Santana

Xoxoxoxoxo


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Brittany,

Sectionals was last night. I was pretty sure you had to be in the audience since we won, but I didn't see you anywhere. Where you there?

Lord Tubbington and Mss. Tubbington can't keep their paws off of eachother. I went to the vet with Mss. Tubbington and it turns out Lord Tubbington isn't gay after all, because it turns out the other cat is a girl. Too bad, it would've been funny. Although Kurt would've probably stole him if he found out ..

There's a new girl in the Cheerios since yesterday, her name is Dani. She's pretty cool actually .. Don't worry, she won't replace you. I think she's a lesbian or something, it seems like she's flirting with me. Or it's all in my head and she's just being nice, I don't know. Maybe I'm just going crazy thinking everyone is suddenly gay haha.. Don't really know why.

It's a mystery :P

Quinn didn't come to school this week. Have I told you that she's living with Mercedes? I can't remember if you were here when that happened .. How sad is that .. Well, if you weren't, Quinn's paren'ts kicked her out so she lived with Noah for a while. Yup, Finn found out the baby wasn't his. He wasn't very happy about that, obviously. Puck walked around school with a black eye and a splitted lip for a week or two haha. But anyway, Puck's mom was not being very nice to Quinn, I guess she didn't exactly like the fact Quinn let herself get pregnant by her son. So eventually Mercedes said she could come live with them. Apparently she has a really nice family.

How's your family, Britty? My mom told me she misses you too, especially with Thanksiving. She loved that you would always come over to help making dessert. You make the best pies ever, did you know that, Britt?

I hope you had a nice Thanksiving over there. My dad made dessert but it wasn't as good as the ones we've made together. What did you eat this year?

I'm not celebrating Halloween this year. The girls from Glee club wanted to do a Halloween party, but I'm not going to go. That's one thing I simply cannot do without you. We've spent so many holidays together, but Halloween has always been a bit more special to me. No clue why, maybe because we always laugh until our stomaches hurt, or because you're the only one I've ever been trick or treating with. Remember that one year, the first time we would go trick or treating together, and I was dressed as a slutty nurse and you as a baby chicken? I laughed so hard that night. You looked adorable.

But anyway .. Have you contacted anyone since you left? No one has mentioned it to me so I guess you didn't .. Don't you miss us? Do you even read my letters? I really hope you do .. Still waiting for a reply from you ..

I miss you.

Lots of love and kisses from me and the cats.

Xoxoxoxoxo Santana


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Brittany,

BIG NEWS !

Quinn got her baby last night! I was totally freaking out, everybody from Glee came to the hospital, it was total chaos. We had just performed at regionals (which we won by the way ..were you there again?) when she suddenly felt all noxious and she started hyperventilating backstage, we had no clue what was happening it was so scary. I would've loved to have you there, you could've calmed me down. I needed somebody's hand to hold.

But then Mr. Shue was there and he asked her what was wrong and he tried to calm her down. She was in so much pain, it was terrible. It turned out she was in labour at that very moment, from the moment we got off stage. What a timing that baby had.

Anyway, Mr. Shue called her parents and we all headed to the hospital with her. She wanted Mercedes with her, so there we were. 10 boys and girls, all dressed up, walking up and down the waiting room. I was surprised that she didn't want Noah with her. He was being really good to her nowadays.

Whoa.

I just realised I haven't had sex with Noah for over a month and I didn't even notice. I think he's kind off dating Lauren right now. I still think it's weird, but I don't really care that much.

So after a lot of waiting from us and screaming from Quinn, the little Beth was born. Puck was really happy and he was so sweet with her, but Quinn couldn't even hold her. I don't know why, but I get that it must be hard to hold and cuddle your baby when you're about to give her away to someone else. Yeah, Quinn and Puck decided to give the little girl up for adoption, and the biological mom of Rachel (that coach from Vocal Adrenalie, Shelby. Remember her?) wanted to adopt her.

Kind of an awkward situation actually.

I saw the baby and she's really beautiful. She kinda reminded me of you in that one picture of you as a baby in your mom's arms ..

But well, the little girl eventually went home with Shelby. And we went home alone. Quinn's mom did show up, but Quinn was still mad at her, so she went home with Mercedes, and Puck did too.

Oh, I have something else to tell you. Kurt went spying on the Warblers some time ago, and he met some dude over there, ''Blaine''. He's kinda nice, but he's actually competition, so we don't know how to feel about their friendship. Well, I don't think it's gonna be a friendship for long .. That boy is gayer than Perez Hilton and Freddy Mercury on a rainbow coloured unicorn, but anyway. I think they would look together :) Don't tell any one I said that though ..

Please write back, I wish you would be here to experience all these things with me. With us. Glee club maybe complete in numbers, our singing family it's not complete without you here.

Remember that I love you even though you're not with me, okay?

I miss you.

Hugs and kisses

Your best friend, Santana

Xoxoxoxoxo


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Brittany,

I'm sorry I haven't written you in a while. I've had some things on my mind and I didn't really know how to tell you.

First of all, do you remember when I told you about that new girl on the Cheerios, Dani? Well, we became pretty close friends, she's really nice. But we were hanging out one night, and suddenly she kissed me. (turns out she is a lesbian after all)

The weird thing is, I didn't pull away right away. But when I did, I just looked at her a bit shocked and I ran out. I have no idea what was going on with me, Britt but ..I think that I .. I kinda liked it ..

I'm not in love with her, I mean she's cool, and yeah she's hot but .. It's not that I feel butterflies in my stomach when I talk to her or something ..

You need to help me, Brittany. I don't know what's going on with me. I mean, you're bi, you've kissed girls before. Is it always like that? It wasn't like fireworks, but I actually never had a fireworks kiss .. But her lips were so soft and sweet and .. It was better than kissing Puck .. Or Finn .. Or any boy I've kissed before ..

Is that normal?

I'm not a lesbian now, am I?

I need you, Britt. I'm having all these feelings and .. I just can't talk about it with anyone ..

I've been avoiding Dani for quite some time now, I think it's been like a month since she kissed me.

She probably thinks I'm angry at her, although she still texts me and stuff ..

I'm just so confused, Britty. I wanted to tell you this sooner but .. I just couldn't. I'm having all these feelings and weird dreams and I just couldn't tell you ..

I don't know what to do. Should I talk to her? Should I tell someone else?

Xo Santana

Ps : Oh yeah, Quinn is doing fine and the baby is too, Shelby came by to give us an update.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Brittany,

I just talked to Dani. Like literally two minutes ago. I decided I had to tell her I wasn't angry at her, so I texted her to come over. She came to my house and I tried to explain everything that was going on in my head.

Well, not everything. But I'll explain that to you later.

She was being really sweet and she said she understood what I was going through.

Apparently she had me figured out from the beginning. She saw me and thought I was a lesbian, even though I had never even kissed a girl before. I'm not saying that I am, Britt, but .. I think I may be .. I don't know I'm just kinda confused, I guess.

Then she told me she was sorry for suddenly kissing me, before making sure I would be okay with that.

She saw all the papers laying on my desk, you know, the special kind of paper that I write my letters for you on, and she asked about it. I told her about you and explained that you moved far, far away because of your dad's new job. I told her how much I missed you. I told her about all the things we've been through together, all the moments and memories we've shared together .. Oh, Britt, it was so nice to be able to talk about you with someone again. The entire Glee club is already tired of my non-stop stories and comments about you, so now I just have to shut up whenever something reminds me of you. Which is like, all the time.

But Dani just listened to me and nodded and smiled, and she told me she would love to meet "this Brittany girl" haha .. I would like for you to meet too, I think you'd like her.

But anyway .. After I had told her everything about you, she told me I had been smiling like an idiot the entire time, and that she had already noticed before that I always slightly blush when someone says your name. She asked me if I had ever considered the idea that I might feel something more for you but friendship ..

And I was like whaat I mean, does she think that I'm in love with you or something? How crazy is that, right? Haha ...

So I just, uh .. Well I told her I wasn't and she just looked at me with this smirk and she nodded at me. It was really weird. Then she told me she should probably go, she kissed me on the cheek and she left. Leaving me stunned on the edge of my bed.

I have no idea how to feel about this but anyway ... I just thought I should tell you this since we were talking about you ..

And don't worry, I don't think Dani was right about me. It's probably her gaydar that is a bit off or something ..

I'll tell, you if something happens, please write me back sometime.

I still miss you more and more.

Xoxo Santana


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Brittany,

I'm sorry, it's been a while.

I need to talk to you .. I have thought about Dani's words. I have thought about that conversation over and over.

I have had dreams and thoughts about things, and I have realised that I really don't mind showering with the rest of the cheerleaders.

I have talked to Dani again, told her about everything this time. I told her about how I liked you, like instantly from the first day, how we became closer and closer. How I was never able to be angry at you, and that I am always overly defensive and looking out for you. I told her how pretty you are, and how adorable you are at one moment, but how sexy you can be the next. And meanwhile, when I was telling her how I never get tired of watching you dance, how I appreciate every little thing you do for me, how your smile can light up my world,.. I realised that she was right.

Right about me, right about you, right about everything.

And it scares me, Britt..

Because I don't want to be in love with you.

I don't.

But then again, I always feel so good around you, so comfortable. I love everything about you, I love how we can talk for hours, but I can also just lay in your arms in silence, and it's still the best thing in the world. And when you're sleeping, cuddled up in my side, there's not a place I would rather be.

I love how childish and cute you can be, but you can be wise and serious too. I love how you always take me seriously, and you never laugh at me. You never underestimate anything I do, you have always believed in me, right from the start.

Everything is so easy with you, Britt. And I don't want to ruin this. I really, really don't ..

But .. I have to accept that, I love you ..

I love you, and I don't want to be with Puck, or with Finn, or Sam .. I just want you ..

Please say you love me back ..

Please just, say anything ..

Not being able to talk to you is the hardest thing I have ever done, and it's killing me.

I don't know if I can even send this letter to you .. If you are reading this, just know it took me a lot of time and courage to do this.

I love you as my best friend, I love hanging out with you, and I love our a bit too girly sleepovers.. but I can't deny that I long for your lips and your touch, and simply .. That I am in love with you.

I'm telling you now.

Please say something ...

I miss you so much it hurts.

I love you, Britty.

Xoxoxoxoxo Santana

Ps : This doesn't mean that I'm not your best friend anymore, because I am. I will always be.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Santana,

I'm coming back.

Love, Brittany


End file.
